Cohen's Story

 You may have seen a few of my posts about October being Down Syndrome awareness month.  To be honest before my son Cohen was born I had really know idea what the facts on Down Syndrome were , let alone that October was Down Syndrome awareness month. There are so many other worthy causes    being showcased this month that it's hard to remember them all, and that's why I feel responsible for getting the word out there and at least informing my family, friends and all of you lovely people of the amazing things people with Down Syndrome are capable of. 

Since Cohen's birth and the news of him being diagnosed with Trisomy 21 (more commonly known as Down Syndrome) we've had so many people lend their support and ask some really great questions not only about Cohen's birth story but about Down Syndrome in general. So I figured maybe I would kick off the re-vamping of my blog by telling Cohen's story and then following up for the rest of October with some facts to answer some of the more frequent questions I've been getting. 

One of the questions I've gotten a lot, and I'm sure all mother's receive is "What did you think when you found out you were pregnant?" and to be honest I was so excited I don't think I was thinking of any one thing in particular. My brain kept flying from one thought to the other...."Will she or he be smart?", "Will he or she like sports?", "Will he or she, be a he or she?" haha. It was honestly a whirlwind of emotions. Of course as time went on I had the chance to think about absolutely everything, I mean ten months is a long time for a gal to spend in her head! My imagination really started to take hold after we were informed we were having a boy. I would try to imagine if he would have my eyes (that clearly didn't happen), and if he would enjoy our pets. I imagined his first day of school, his last day of school and even his wedding day. If I could give you a nickel for every thought I had about the lil' bean growing inside my stomach, you wouldn't be reading this right now, you'd be out spending the millions of nickels you just got out of me!

As the weeks grew nearer to my due date,  I got even more anxious to meet my lil' guy. Going to all of my doctor's appointments and ultrasounds was like a tease.  Jordan and I would look at the ultrasound monitor and just gawk at how perfect our son was. From what the doctor's and us could see from all the blood testing and ultrasound photos we had a perfectly healthy little boy on the way. We were surprised  that just two days after my last doctor's checkup (38weeks along) I went into labour!

Finally! At last! He's coming!.......Wait a sec, he's coming...right now!? Crazy how sometimes you can fool yourself into thinking your "ready" to be a parent. Haha silly me. 

All of those questions I had asked myself, my doctor and anyone else who would listen quickly came flooding back to me. "Will he have all his finger's and toes?", "Will the delivery go smoothly?", and any other possible question you could ask was running through my head. I do admit at this point one of the bigger questions for me was "When can I get the epidural!?" haha but you can understand why.

A short fifteen hours later my sweet, sweet boy was born. 5 pounds 14 ounces and 18 inches long, there he was. Perfection.

After everything was all said and done both Cohen and I were completely exhausted. The nurses needed to take him to get cleaned up and all that jazz so I was able to catch a very much needed and well deserved (if i do say so myself) nap. I can't recall how long it was I slept until I just barely opened my eyes and saw Cohen's pediatrician standing over me. Due to the effects of the drugs from the delivery and the lack of sleep, this moment still feels like a dream to me when I look back on it. I know Jordan was sitting next to my bed, and thank goodness he was because the words I was about to hear were ones that I couldn't handle on my own.

"Hi there, I'm Dr. James. I will be Cohen's pediatrician." 

She paused and looked at me for a minute. I think she could sense I wasn't fully awake and waited for me to re-gain my focus.

"We need permission to do some blood testing on your son. It seems he has some features that are consistent with Trisomy 21, or as you may know it, Down Syndrome."

I Don't know why I was so surprised she was so straight forward and to the point, I noticed over the course of my pregnancy that the bed side manner here is, well, a little lack lustre to say the least. So you'd think I wouldn't have been shocked when she simply turned around and just walked out the door.

Now I really was dreaming. Did she just say what I think she said? Not only was my my son diagnosed with something I knew absolutely nothing about, but I was left with no answers, or even a chance to ask questions. 

I remember looking at Jordan and not being able to speak or the the whole damn of tears I had been storing while Dr.James dropped that big bomb on us would let loose, and I simply may never be able to stop them.

Because Cohen was also born with Jaundice we had to stay a couple nights in the hospital for him to sit under special lights. He looked like he was in a mini tanning bed, goggles and all. It's a really heavy feeling looking at your newborn who is already so vulnerable and seeing them in a situation where theres nothing you can do to help. My heart broke a little every time I looked at him.

(Taken on my iPhone)

The day we were released from the Hospital was a very exciting and happy day for us. Not only had the Jaundice gone down and we were free to leave but, Dr.James came for one last check in and proceeded to tell me ........."I'm almost positive he doesn't have Down Syndrome. The physical signs aren't really there but we have to be sure so the testing is necessary."

In all honesty after her first sentence I tuned out. I had been worrying for nothing. Everything was going to be fine. They just wanted to rule it out 100%

I'm not sure if she was being honest or trying to make me feel better but at that moment I took it. False hope or not, it was something to hold on to. Looking back on it now I wish she had kept her mouth shut.

We didn't end up sharing the news of Cohen's possible diagnosis with anyone other than our parents. I mean why worry them. Instead we sat on the news for the longest three weeks of our lives, why make everybody else feel the torture we felt. Besides as the doc said she was "almost positive" the results would be negative so we had nothing to worry about.

The closer it came to the three weeks being up the more confident I felt that we were in the clear. Then all of the sudden I'd have these moment where I'd look at Cohen and feel as if I knew I was kidding myself and we were going to have a rude awakening in the matter of days.

All I can see is tail lights and traffic. Our appointment with the pediatrician standing in while Dr.James is away is a morning one so naturally we are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. I don't mind. I almost welcome it, considering what we could possibly be facing a little more time with things as they are was fine with me.

As in most medical offices, the wait for our time with the doctor was long and particularly torturous this  morning. When we were finally called Jordan and I were so nervous. We walked down the never ending hallway to the coldest most clinical looking exam room you could imagine. After waiting yet another lengthy period of time our acting pediatrician walked in. After the introductions the doctor got right into the thick of things.

"So the test results came back, and they were positive for Trisomy 21"

My heart shatters.

All I hear now is white noise and my tears are coming so fast I swear I can hear them hitting the floor with loud pangs like rain pounding on a tin roof.

All I remember from that point on is walking back down the never ending hallway, past the reception desk, past all the people staring at me in the waiting room and calling my mom as soon as I walked out the door.

It was super busy in the parking lot so between the hustle and bustle and my sobbing my mom could barely make out a word no matter how many times I repeated myself. I was getting frustrated and just started yelling in the phone over and over again "Cohen has Down Syndrome", "My son has Down syndrome." Saying the words and not believing them as they were being forced out of my mouth.

I could hear my mom crying on the other end. The next 10 phone calls weren't any easier.

When we finally got home and we had had time to realize we weren't dreaming and this was reality, our reality, I broke down. I just had the most beautiful baby boy and instead of celebrating his life I felt like I was mourning it. In the ten months of thinking about what my sons life would be I never once thought of something like this happening to me. I mean I thought about it, but not in a million years did I ever think it would actually happen. The rest of the day I cried so much I could barely open my eyes. If it weren't for Jordan and his complete confidence and amazing positivity I'm not sure I would have seen the light. He finally calmed me down to where I could take what everyone was telling me and really absorb it.

We just had to get the facts, research as much as possible and tackle this all together. I took that one day to break down and then decided the next day I would need to pick myself back up and face it.

I would never ever want Cohen to think I was sad or disappointed about the way he is. 

Now that I know all that I do about Trisomy 21 I know I was freaking out because I had no knowledge of the cards we'd been dealt. I had no idea what Down Syndrome really was, apart from what I had seen on tv or movies. I had grown up with students in my school who had Down Syndrome, but I didn't know any of the things that they may have needed to over come or any of the things that they excelled at. I just remember them being happy, friendly and completely unique to their own personalities. That's when it clicked for me. We have more in common with those who have Down Syndrome than we do differences.

Since Cohen's birth he has seen specialists for his heart, eyes, and ears. His blood tests have come back with good news on his thyroid and everything else that was checked out. You can imagine how completely elated we were every time we heard good news. All of the tests were very important as all things I mentioned can be problematic for those with Down Syndrome. Also I was so happy with the treatment we got after travelling to Edmonton I shed a tear or two. Dr.Lewis (our new pediatrician) made me feel much better. She assured me that it was nothing I had done, it happens during conception and is completely random. I had also read that there is quite a small chance of survival for babies (up to 80% says About.com)  in pregnancies where the mother is carrying a child with Down Syndrome. Hearing that I was so glad I hadn't known about the diagnosis during my pregnancy as I would have worried twice as much and that alone can be harmful for your baby. That fact also proved to me that he really was a miracle and is so very special.

After 14 weeks of good news, bad news, good news and lots and lots of research, I can confidently tell you I have never been happier in my life. I mean I'm so happy I could bust. I have an amazingly adorable, healthy little boy and he has changed our lives for the absolute better.

This is Cohen.

He has an extra copy of his 21st chromosome.

He is a very happy healthy normal lil' boy.

He likes car rides, milk and his pets.

Cohen is laid back and smiles constantly.

He loves his mom & dad and snuggling with them every chance he gets.

He is not "suffering" or "sick".

He has Trisomy 21 but that's not what makes him who he is.

Thanks so much for reading our story. I know it was a longer read than my usual blogs (when they do get posted) but I felt it was really important to share, not only in honor of Down Syndrome awareness month but in honor of my son. My angel, Cohen.

Into The Future

   It's been another long gap between my blog postings. To be honest, I've wanted to write for some time now but have been in such a negative mind set I was worried I would scare everybody off, thinking I'm some negative downer which in general I'm not.....well at least I don't think so haha.

  I've been having troubles with a nasty neighbour and a Strata council that continues to say they are going to do something about it, yet they haven't done one darn thing. I've also gotten a few doses of concerning news from my doctor concerning myself and my baby boy, who by the way is only ten weeks away from arriving into this world!!
  A few weeks ago I was informed that because I have a negative blood type, there's a chance that if the baby has his dad's blood type my body could try rejecting him. Sounds pretty crazy but fortunately they have a handy shot called a Rogam injection (not sure if that's the correct spelling) which tricks your blood into thinking that it's neutral so when the two types mix there is no problem. I've had the first one, now I don't need another until the time of delivery, so that's dealt with. Then just last week I was told that my blood tests showed I was positive for Gestational Diabetes which I've been told can be quite common in pregnancy, but didn't make me feel much relief. I've since taken more tests to confirm and am waiting on the results. Waiting seems to be taking up a whole lot of my schedule lately. I'm excited to get the results so the stress can subside and I can make the necessary changes.
  Other than all that things are going really well. The excitement is really building for us to meet the little guy that is going to forever change our lives. It's really starting to sink in that once he arrives things will change in a big way and for the better. Jordan and I are taking advantage of our alone time while we have it. We've made a few road trips, one to Grande Prairie to visit the family and also one to Edmonton to have a few date nights and have our maternity photos taken :D I've also been practising saying "My son" and"I'm a mom", it sounds silly but when I say it it seems so surreal haha.
  When I look into the future I see one that is way different than I saw a year ago. Before I found out I was lucky enough to be having a son, I thought by this time I would be looking forward to getting a business license and getting my self out there to pursue my love/passion/obsession into a career. But now, all I want to do is be the best mom I can possibly be. I know that there are tons of kick butt working moms out there, but because this is my first child I can't imagine not spending every single moment with him as possible. I of course will pursue my dream of making my favourite past time into a full time career eventually, but for the time being my career of choice is #1 mom :D That being said for all of you who have been so nice as to compliment me by asking if I would do photos for you, if the timing is right of course I will! I would be so happy and grateful to be apart of your memories. I will never stop taking photos, I plan on continuing my Project 52 along with posting any other photos I take in the meantime. I also plan on re-vamping my website so all my prints will still be available for purchase.
  Everybody in my life including family, friends and my wonderful Facebook "fans" have been so supportive of me so far and I'm so grateful to have the absolute best people in my life to share all these wonderful changes with. I hope each and every one of you is as fortunate as I to have such a great support system. I'm happy to continue sharing my life through the lens with each and every one of you and hope you stick around to see what's still to come.
Thanks again, till next time, Britt xo
 (I promise I won't let it go this long again)

Project 52 | Weeks 5&6

Project 52 | Weeks 5&6

 Week 5 {Annoyance}

Although relatively small Ravens have continued to be a huge annoyance, especially when trying to get my dogs to do their business outside. They heckle the crap out of my poor dogs, flying from roof top , to roof top making extremely loud screeching noises. The continue to fly lower and lower making my boys think they'll be able to catch them, I know they're silently laughing inside. Unless that crazy screeching noise is their version of a laugh....either way I could really do without them!! 

Week 6 {sick}

This week has been soooo tiring. Our poor pup Waylen has been ill and needing to go out throughout the night to use the bathroom. He's had to fast for the past two days and was just finally able to eat (special food from the vet that cost a fortune!) today. Not to mention I have to give him two pills twice a day for the next five days which he dislikes, but then again who wants somebody forcing meds down their throat....my guess is nobody! His big bro Cooper has been very worried about him and with him every step of the way! As sad as it is to see my wee one under the weather, it's pretty cute to see how much Cooper cares for Waylen. He just follows his little brother around licking him and laying as close to him as he can possibly get :D I hope when I have kids they get along that well haha 

The week hasn't been a complete bust I suppose, we did finally get our king size bed re-ordered, which means no more fighting for a spot in the bed haha Now maybe Jordan and I will stay comfortable when we have 2 dogs and 2 cats trying to squeeze in wherever there is room! I've tried time and time again to refuse them, but I cave every time :s Well I have dinner in the oven so I should jet before I forget I'm cooking LOL. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend to the fullest!

Britt

Project 52 | Week 4 - {Peace}

It's been hard trying to find a little peace (and quiet) this week. I've been trying really hard to work towards my goals and I gotta tell you it's been hard, harder than I thought it was going to be. It's a little disheartening when you try your hardest and things seem to just stay at a standstill . I've had a few of those days where one thing after the other went wrong and I honestly felt as if I was on my own version of "The Truman Show" (if you've never seen it google it for sure!). It's felt as though I had a whole crew  of people just throwing obstacles in my way and laughing as I try to dodge them unsuccessfully. I know that sounds completely ridiculous, but it's the truth. Luckily for me it's the weekend and a fresh start is soon to come! 

Project 52 | Week 3

Project 52 | Week 3

This week was "Attitude". To be honest I had the hardest time trying figure out how to capture attitude. Being stuck inside due to the cold and the fact I'm too scared to drive farther than the end of my block (I've seen far to many accidents from just plain bad driving, not to mention the bad conditions) really put a damper on my imagination. I was moping around the house trying to fill time before Jordan got home from work when I saw Hank launch herself from her cat perch and attack my other cat Dolly. How did it take me so long to realize Hank has more attitude than any person, place or thing than I have ever known. Don't get me wrong she's a friendly cat (if you know her weird quirks) but if things are not going her way, she's not going to take her time to let you know haha 

Project 52 | Week 2

Project 52 | Week 2

Phewf I survived another week!! That probably sounds pretty dramatic but to be completely honest with the week I've had that statement fits just right. The weather here has been a little bit off for January. We had a few beautiful sunny days where the temperature was in the plus's, which sounds nice but it melted a good chunk of the snow and then overnight the temp dropped leaving us with an ice rink instead of roads and sidewalks. I wouldn't mind the crazy weather so much if I didn't depend on the roads and sidewalks to get out and about haha The cabin fever set in after 2 days of no walk with my boys, and it just got worse from there. After giving Facebook a last glance before bed I read quite a few status updates about being ill, dealing with migraines and just having a bad day in general. I wish I had known that those sad status updates would soon be my future....... 

I woke up Thursday morning feeling normal, tired but normal. I took the dogs out for a tinkle and then ran upstairs to try and squeeze in another 30 mins of bedtime. I was having a hard time focusing on the tv but chalked it up to being tired and tried to get some more shut eye. I wish I had recognized that I was experiencing tunnel vision.  That's where I made my mistake, if I had realized sooner I could have possibly subsided some of the pain with medicine. As soon as my 30 mins was up I couldn't even lift my head from the pillow I was in so much pain. Over the course of that 30 mins my head had created on of the worst migraines I've ever had. Not only was I dealing with tunnel vision but my face and hands went completely numb. Thank goodness Jordan was home and was able to keep me calm (as calm as he could considering I was freak'n right out!). I've had migraines before but I was so weak I literally had to crawl to the bathroom to "get sick". Other than the actual terrible pain itself, the nausea is the worst migraine symptom. Nothing like having to "get sick" with your head shoved in an echoey porcelain bowl when you can barely stand the sound of your own thoughts. Not to mention Jordan had to hold the seat up so it didn't come crashing down on my head. He must have thought I looked beautiful bahahah 

Today has been a huge improvement compared to yesterday. For one I can sit up on my own! I'm not feeling 100% but tomorrow is a new day and I'm counting on it being even better than today :)

My photo for this week........ Project 52 | Week 2 | Boredom

New Year, New resolutions!

 Hey everyone, how are you feeling today? I hope you didn't party too hard last night haha. I myself was curled up on the couch watching Mary Poppins and trying to narrow down my long list of resolutions.  It seems at the end of every year I have all these great ideas and inspiration from the year past and in order to make them a priority I decide to tack them on to my New Years Resolutions list and then the list becomes so big and overwhelming I don't get to half of them. This year is going to be different! I have decided to go a bit smaller and commit to 12 things for the year of 2012. One resolution for every month, this way I have a whole month to integrate the new change into my routine. Am I making sense or does this sound nuts? Either way I think I can pull it off.  No, I know I can pull it off! (one of my resolutions being, be more positive haha). So here it is, my resolutions list for the 12 months of 2012.............

1. Be more positive.
    Unfortunately a good part of the time I tend to see the negative side of things before I finally see the
light. I know it's not the best outlook on life but I'm a worrier and am trying really hard this year to fix that.  
         
2. Take more chances.
    Like I said before I worry... a lot! I hardly ever step out of my comfort zone for fear of, well anything and everything really haha This year I plan to say "yes" more and not worry so much about not being good at it or looking silly . How do you know if you never try?

3. Fit in fitness.
    This one is definitely not original. I add this one every year and it seems to be the first resolution I quit at. I don't want to get buff or run a marathon, but it would be nice to run around my block and not feel like passing out before my house is even out of sight. (It sounds like I'm exaggerating, and I am but not much lol)

4. Don't sweat the small stuff.
   To be completely honest I'm not even close to being laid back. You may go as far as saying I'm a little up tight. To the untrained eye It may look like that sticky situation just rolled of my back, but If you know me well you know I'm reeling about it on the inside. When something bad happens I tend to think about it until it hurts and then I think about it more. Healthy right? haha I plan on trying to let things go and realize you can't fix everything, sometimes rolling with the punches is all you can do.

5. Stay in closer touch with friends.
    Last September I up and moved to a completely other province than the rest of my family and friends. We aren't terrible at staying in touch, but I definitely miss them all way more than I get the chance to see or talk to them. I'm going to start calling and writing emails on a weekly basis to make sure I'm not out of the loop on everybody's lives.

6. Learn my camera inside and out.
    I want to know EVERYTHING! I plan on taking this passion of photography to the next level at some point (some point soon) and I want to be able to know what my equipment is up to and why. I've learned a lot this past year, but know there is way more to learn then I ever could have imagined.

7. Learn to let go of control.
    I tend to be the one who calls the shots around my house. Jordan and I make the larger decisions together of course, but around the homestead I'm queen of my castle. It's hard for me to step aside and let somebody help with even the smallest task because I've become so particular in how I run things. I vow to let go and maybe even realize there's more than one way to accomplish the same task, maybe even a better way than mine!

8. Become more tech savvy.
    A good majority of my day is spent with one electronic device or another. There's my trusty Macbook, my coveted Canon and of course the good ol' television (with all it's dvd do dads n' such). I know the absolute basics of how to work the majority of these devices haha The frustration over comes me and I call for help before I've given it a fair shot. From now on I'm going to try and try again, and then if I really need to I'll go for help.

9. Obtain my business license.
    I've been seriously considering making a business of my passion for photography. There is a great market for it where I'm currently living, and I honestly can't think of a career that would make me happier. After some more research on the steps I need to take I think this will be one of my big moves for 2012.

10. Focus on my health and well being.
      After learning from my mom there are a couple genetic medical conditions I may want to look out for as I grow older, I made a visit to my family doctor. Which by the way was already a huge step for me considering I usually worry about it until Jordan forces me to make an appointment. Turns out I have a clean bill of health, and I plan on keeping it that way. That means staying active and starting to eat like a grown up haha Meaning incorporating more health foods in my diet and saying goodbye to my dear friend salt :( It will be hard, but I know my body will thank me in the end.

11. Pen pals.
      This resolution is definitely one I'm really looking forward to. A couple of my girlfriends and I got pretty good at keeping up the old fashioned way by writing letters to one another, back and forth as they arrived. The year came to an end and I realized I hadn't sent or received a letter in months, sooo I'm bringing it back. If I have your mailing address expect to get a letter from me real soon!

12. Drive more.
      I didn't get my drivers license until I was 19. There was a few different reason for that decision and I don't regret not getting it sooner but I do regret not driving more often. When I lived in Victoria I was close enough to everything I needed that I basically walked everywhere. The traffic could get pretty crazy and parking was even worse, so I figured I was doing myself a favour.  Now that I live in an even more hectic city (driving wise anyhow) I wish I had the city driving experience to back me up while I'm here driving in these hectic conditions. From now on I'm getting behind the wheel and taking control!

 I havent quite decided if this is the final order in which they will be accomplished, but these are the final resolutions anyhow :)
 I hope you all had a great time ringing in the New Year and I hope your all successful with your resolutions!! Happy New Year!